Love Story

I will seek and find you .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Bra Codes

AND, just a thought for all the women out there.......

MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown,
MENopause............

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?.........And

When we have real trouble it's HISterectomy!!!!

Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!
I DID

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Pamela

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Funnel Cakes IIPrep: Cook: Ready In Serves 10

Ingredients
1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 quart oil for frying
2 tablespoons white sugar
1 egg
1 cup milk
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar for dusting
Cooking Instructions
In a mixing bowl, beat together egg and milk. Beat in flour, salt, baking soda, cream of tartar, and white sugar until smooth.

Heat about 1 inch cooking oil in frying pan to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

Pour 1/2 cup batter through funnel into oil with a circular motion to form a spiral. Fry until lightly brown; turn over to brown the other side. Cook to golden brown, and remove to drain on paper towels. Sprinkle with confectioner's sugar while still warm.

1. Ingredients1 1/4 cups cold milk
1 cup canned pumpkin
2 pkg. (4 serving size) JELL-O Cheesecake Flavor Instant Pudding & Pie Filling
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 (8 ounce) tub COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed, divided
1 (6 ounce) HONEY MAID Graham Pie Crust
1/4 cup chopped PLANTERS Walnuts
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon butter or margarine

2. Cooking Directions
Add milk to pumpkin in large bowl; stir with wire whisk until well blended. Add pudding mixes and spice. Beat 2 minutes or until well blended. (Mixture will be thick.) Gently stir in half of the whipped topping. Spoon into pie crust.
Refrigerate 4 hours or until set. Meanwhile, place walnuts, brown sugar and butter in small microwavable bowl. Microwave on HIGH 1 to 1-1/2 minutes or until hot bubbly, stirring after 1 minute. Cool.
Sprinkle walnut mixture over pie just before serving. Top each serving with a dollop of the remaining whipped topping.
Yield: 8 servings

3. Still Hungry?
This no-bake pumpkin pie made with cheesecake pudding mix is spiced just right. The crunchy walnut streusel topping makes it extra special.

Banana Pudding
Desserts
15 Minutes to Prepare and Cook

Ingredients

Pudding mix, vanilla instant (whole box for recipe) 3.4 oz box
Milk, nonfat, 1.5 cup
Whole Milk / Vitamin D, .5 cup
(note: 2c milk 2% works, I just don't keep it on hand)
Banana, fresh, 2 small (6" to 6-7/8" long)
Vanilla Wafers, lower fat, 24 small

Directions
Mix the milks and pudding mix. Cut bananas in half (4 portions) Layer wafers (6 per bowl), banana slices and pudding in 4 bowls. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Number of Servings: 4

Old-Fashioned Apple Crisp
Prep Time
15 min. Cook Time
30 min. Serves 4

Recipe Provided By: Taste of Home

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Average (143 Ratings):
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Email This Recipe IM This Recipe Print This Recipe 1. Ingredients 4 cups sliced peeled tart apples
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/3 cup cold butter or margarine
Vanilla ice cream (optional)
Nutrition InfoPer Serving

Calories: 528 kcal
Carbohydrates: 86 g
Dietary Fiber: 5 g
Fat: 20 g
Protein: 4 g
Sugars: 61 g
About: Nutrition Info

Powered by: ESHA Nutrient Database

2. Cooking Directions
Place apples in a greased 8-in. square baking dish. In a bowl, combine brown sugar, flour, oats, cinnamon and allspice; cut in butter until crumbly. Sprinkle over apples. Bake at 375 degrees F for 30-35 minutes or until apples are tender. Serve warm with ice cream if desired.
Yield: 4 servings